Suffocation

Woke up this morning feeling cold, tired, and lonely. I really wanted to just cuddle back up with Phoenix and go to sleep. Or with Charles. He is like a personal heater. Chris came and picked me up again this morning and I’m honestly just tired of riding anywhere with him. I know he’s trying to help me but he’s doing too fucking much. He keeps acting like I am his girl and that Phoenix is his. No. He’s just pushing too much for a relationship and pushing too much for me to “fall in love” with him. I’ve tried to imagine us together and I just can’t. It might feel right for him but it doesn’t feel right to me. I love him as a friend but that’s the only thing I can love him as. I need to tell him. Yes, I’m procrastinating on telling him how I feel. But I need to make sure that I have a ride and that I’m good. I just hope we can stay friends. I don’t think he would want to be friends with me after I tell him though. I need to take that risk before things goes too far.